Publicity Shots From Hell No.123

By the mid-1980's, John Nathan-Turner's signature habit of pointing at random things for no apparent reason had been adopted by other members of Doctor Who's cast and crew as what one can only assume to be some kind of bizarre house style.

 

So here we witness the sublime Kevin McNally pointing at... well, the lovely Nicola Bryant's breasts, for presumably no other reason than that they are there and that it would maybe be rather nice one day to bury your face between those warm soft ample globes and go flubba-flubba-flubba-flubba.  

It was some years after this photograph was taken that the late JN-T had a hissy fit and took it upon himself to spit in Nicola's face.

 

As Ms. Bryant was the first Who companion that I was sexually aroused by, she got off lucky on that one. Some dark corners of my mind still contemplate the bodily fluids that I would...

 

Excuse me a moment while I find a box of tissues...

Escape To Danger No.39

Right, I was intending to save this one until the festive season, since for many people like myself, this story is the ultimate Doctor Who Christmas Special.

 

Which must sound strange, because it's not really a Doctor Who story at all.

 

Having failed to tempt Elizabeth Sladen to rejoin the cast of Proper Who for the Baker/Davison transition period of Seasons Eighteen and Nineteen, John Nathan-Turner hit upon the wheeze of a Doctor Who spin-off series. Certain tabloid newspapers therefore claimed victory in their "Save K-9" campaigns, and the JN-T media love-in continued apace.

 

This wasn't an original concept. Whilst a mooted series based on the adventures of Jago and Litefoot of  "The Talons of Weng-Chiang" fame could have been a contender, William Hartnell's legendary "Son of Doctor Who" idea was merely a flight of fancy.

 

Anyway, as all modern Doctor Who is to my mind basically unwelcome spin-offs from the original series, I'm pretty much down with the concept, thank you.

 

 

So, what have we got here? Well, basically it's the pilot episode for an ultimately uncommissioned series called "K-9 and Company" and not a Christmas Special at all. Cunningly using the yuletide period in the narrative allowed John Nathan-Turner to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat, and the fact that it followed hot on the heels of the "Five Faces of Doctor Who" repeat season really made it feel like JN-T genuinely loved us all.

 

 

Bill Fraser there, who allegedly accepted the role of General Grugger in Season Eighteen's "Meglos" on the condition that he could kick K-9, must have been fucking delighted at being given a second chance in such a short space of time.

And it's always great to see the much-underused Colin Jeavons, fresh from his definitive Max Quordlepleen in the 1981 TV version of THHGTTG.

 

Unusually for Terence Dudley, "A Girl's Best Friend" has a cracking script. The BBC's "A Ghost Story For Christmas" strand and related dramas that aired annually throughout most of the 1970's was responsible for the popularity of gothic malarkey aired during the festive season, and the "K-9 and Company" pilot fits into that niche quite comfortably.

 

Strange goings-on in a rural village, shifty locals, covens of yokel devil-worshippers (a popular obsession of Sunday newspapers at the time), and the vaguely related outsider who's never in one place long enough to lick a stamp.

 

All tropes are present and correct, with the addition of a mechanical dog and (if you're not JN-T) an unlikely choice of virgin sacrifice.

 

And it all works. Whether it would have made for a good series or not is anybody's guess. And the really great thing is that boring idiots can't dismiss it as non-canon due to everything that has been done since, from "The Five Doctors" through "School Reunion" and "The Sarah Jane Adventures".

Or whatever they're fucking called.

 

 

So why look at all this now, rather than at Christmas when it would have seemed so much more topical?

 

Well, today I appear to have acquired a dog.

 

Despite not being anything remotely like a "dog-person", ten hours in and things seem to be going reasonably well.

 

Mind you, it hasn't shat everywhere and chewed any of my books yet.

 

 

Anyway, in the words of Ian Levine, "Do-doo-doo-DOO-doo. Doo-doo-doo-de-DOO-de-doo. K-9!!"

 

See you all on December 28th for 35 Glorious Years...

Publicity Shots From Hell No.96

One of the less lurid anecdotes concerning John Nathan-Turner is how he liked to sometimes mess with fan's heads. Leaving notes on his planning board for a story entitled "The Doctor's Wife" was allegedly a method he employed to trace a leak in the production office, but other sources claim it was a gag designed to get a visiting Ian Levine foaming at the mouth.

 

Whatever the truth of the matter, if an account described in Richard Marson's book "The Life and Scandalous Times of John Nathan-Turner" is to be believed, JN-T found other ways to make Levine squirm...

 

 

Of course, the modern series eventually made the joke a reality in more ways than one, so that's something else spoiled forever.

 

One last thought, though. If D.B. could be seen to stand for "Do-able Barkers", what is JN-T finding so engrossing in the column marked O.B.?

Publicity Shots from Hell No.45

Well, here's 2014.

And jolly good luck to it, that's what I say.

Meanwhile, it's panto season, so let's turn back the clock and see what our old friend John Nathan-Turner was cooking up for us in the mid-80's...

Whilst I am assuming that the entire production of Cinderella that year did not actually take place within the Timelash, I cannot find it in myself to be too harsh. After all, the majority of advertisements are naught but false promise.

And no sarcastic remarks about Timelash and pantomimes, please.

I don't want to start a new year by getting cross...

Publicity Shots from Hell No.41

As the 50th Anniversary looms ever larger on the horizon, I find myself nostalgically recalling those warm and fuzzy days when we just didn't know what Bizarre Celebrity Cameos that crazy John Nathan-Turner was going to lay on us next.

 

 

Yes, that's Gareth Hale and Norman Pace, flushed with Golden Rose of Montreux success and having a bit of a laugh in Perivale with Sophie Aldred, future star of Melvin and Maureen's Music-A-Grams.

 

It's little wonder that "Survival" was the last Proper Doctor Who to be transmitted.

 

Talk about going out on a high...

Publicity Shots from Hell No.35

Ah, the joys of guerrilla blogging. A few precious minutes snatched here and there from the maw of work and continuing tech problems.

 

When I started this thread, I fully intended its remit to be wider than the narrow (yet hallowed, never forget that) confines of Proper Who. But thanks to the efforts of the late John Nathan-Turner and others like him, I've been mining a very rich seam indeed.

Anyway, with a tenuous link to a Doctor Who I don't personally acknowledge, here's a tribute to the man himself.

It's obviously Fan-Dabi-Dozi, and I somehow think he would have approved...

Publicity Shots from Hell No.32

Previous posts have described the late John Nathan-Turner's predilection for pointing at inappropriate things in order to ingratiate himself into a photo opportunity that would have been much better off without him.

A fear of being upstaged by the TARDIS console could help explain so, so much...

"I Would Like a Hat Like That!" No.19

Back to work briefly after the Bank Holidays, before going away for a short spell. April is traditionally a month of being audited by accountants and various industry bodies, so the plan is to get a long weekend in before everything gets seriously soul-sapping.

 

Anyway, continuing my attempts to find the good in Season 20, I am reminded of the following...

 

 

(Yes, that's John "Plague of the Bloody Zombies" Carson you can see there, in a very silly hat indeed).

 

As a relic of Sumaran antiquity, the superb 'Six Faces of Delusion' hat required that upon donning it, the wearer submit his own visage to be part of the cavalcade of chicanery.

 

Variations on the headdress have been noted, however.

 

 

Archaeologists on Manussa have already termed this particular example the 'Six Faces of Self-Delusion'...

Publicity Shots from Hell No.28

"I have been persuaded to stay..."

"...on condition that I direct."

Publicity Shots from Hell No.8

One of the perils of growing old is the possibility that we become entrenched in narrow-minded ways.

So how fortunate it was that the Davison era occured at a time when I was a fresh-faced young Monoid, and the world was obviously a more simple and wholesome place of infinite possibilities than it is now.

Which is why no contemporary newspaper ever had a headline that read "New Doctor Who Wears Vegetable On Coat!"...

This is also my hands-down, all-time favourite example of John Nathan-Turner's habit of pointing at something arbitrary so as not to get cropped out of a photograph.

But the proud display of celery on a jacket lapel? Well, that's just a painstakingly laboured example of good old British eccentricity done for the benefit of Johnny Foreigner, surely?

It'll be umbrellas with handles in the shape of question marks next, mark my words...

Publicity Shots from Hell No.5

What happens when a national treasure (Bonnie Langford) meets a national institution (Proper Doctor Who)?

This, apparantly...

God bless John Nathan-Turner, that's what I say...

Publicity Shots from Hell No.2

So, once again we go deep inside the mind of the late John Nathan-Turner, and it's a very interesting place indeed.

To be honest, I was trying to locate the pics of Colin Baker in his underpants, that were hilariously published in a certain renowned tabloid newspaper as offered proof of a successful campaign to get "Doctor Huge" to lose some weight.

Instead, I remembered this...

Shot on yer man Colin's inaugural Who photoshoot in Hammersmith Park (Where Goldie Plays), it's a generous man that not only shares the limelight with his co-star, but attempts  to use her as a human shield. (Thereby providing the assembled throng of photographers with what is known in the trade as a "beaver-shot",  and fans worldwide a hopeful glimpse of Ms Bryant's naughty bits).

I remember with only a slight blush my teenage years, with their well-thumbed copies of DWM, borrowed magnifying glasses, and a growing interest in females with bob haircuts and large bouncy breasts...

Publicity Shots from Hell No.1

So tell me; who the hell in their right mind would judge this here photo to be worthy publicity material to promote a television drama serial, or anything else for that matter?

That being said, it does actually manage to convey pretty much everything you need to know about "Black Orchid", so in one respect it is possibly one of the most lucid and self-aware decisions John Nathan-Turner ever made.

It's also one of the gayest Doctor Who photos ever, which is nice.

And while I am on the subject of Terence Dudley's finest 50 minutes, here's one of those popular beat combos you kids have these days.

Obviously these four lads were very impressed by Terence's gripping tale of mystery and intrigue on the Cranleigh estate. Either that or they're into DC Comics, and I'm not sure which is worse.

But let's be honest. It's a much better name than "Leisure Hive". (But not as good as "Underworld").

Now, if they were called "The Time Monsters", that would be a different thing altogether...

Who's That Terrible Woman?

It's not often that Doctor Who fandom presents a united front on anything, but it seems to make an exception when it comes to the 30th Anniversary charity piece "Dimensions in Time".

The sheer magnitude of the bile and venom that was (and still is in some quarters) hurled towards this innocuous little gem is genuinely puzzling to me.

Which is a shame, because I rather like it.

Failing to satisfy virtually nobody and alienate virtually everybody takes a bit of doing, but "Dimensions" manages with an almost flawless grace. Being neither the springboard for the recommissioning of a new series, nor the doomed-to-fail special "The Dark Dimension" that many hoped for, it also committed a much greater sin in the eyes of many; namely being co-written by John Nathan-Turner. (A man who at that stage of his career was well used to satisfying virtually nobody and alienating virtually everybody).

But what probably gets overlooked the most is the sheer verve and fun of the thing, both perfectly apt and fitting in the circumstances. Any who criticise the seemingly random and muddled mess are missing two rather salient points.

Firstly, lots of people in silly clothes, shouting and running around to an obtrusive clattering synthesizer sountrack is archetypal late 1980's Doctor Who and hardly anything out of the ordinary. (The fact that none of it appears to make any kind of sense also places it firmly in Cartmel-land).

And secondly, exactly how much different is "Dimensions in Time" from the much-loved 20th Anniversary bash, "The Five Doctors"?

In my view, not very much. But with one important difference...

The 20th Anniversary occured when the show was very much alive and kicking, and formed part of the (cough) continuous overall narrative. (And was rammed down our collective fanboy throats by the well-oiled JN-T hype machine).

And this is probably the ultimate tragedy to befall "Dimensions in Time"; that there was no audience that actually wanted to see it.

Fans wanted a new series, and especially a new series that was "gritty and realistic", not fun and frothy. (Yes, just like the New Adventures! Go figure). Joe Public would probably have preferred something that they half-remembered as Doctor Who-ish, and which didn't get in the way of "Noel's House Party". And because the programme was almost five years deceased, there were no excited 11-year-old regular viewers who could grow up with memories of the jaw-dropping audacity of the damn thing.

So who killed "Dimensions in Time"?

Erm, on the whole... we did.

Oops.