Star Wars Toys I Never Knew I Wanted No.8

You find me still trying to summon enthusiasm for 2017, but this time with bonus oven breakdowns and exterior electrical difficulties. Which is all very tiresome, and expensive too.

 

So why not take time out to revisit a thread which I've neglected for a year or more?

It's no great surprise that this one passed me by at the time, as it appears to have been sold exclusively through Sears, and we tended not to have many of those in the North of England in the early 1980's.

 

But I'm really not that bothered, and to tell the truth, I don't think I missed out on much. Possibly because, despite my faux fanboy frothings over the Palitoy Death Star playset (see here), I'm not a huge fan of cardboard.

 

Or perhaps it's because it just looks really crap.

 

 

And apart from the figures as mentioned on the box, that's pretty much your lot. When the most exciting thing about it appears to be a circular hole, the Cloud City Playset does look to be a rather underwhelming affair.

 

Maybe I should change the title of this thread to "Star Wars Toys I Never Knew About At The Time But Would Probably Still Have Wanted Even Though They Look A Bit Rubbish"...

Star Wars Toys I Never Knew I Wanted No.7

Flicking through scans of three-decade-old Doctor Who Monthlies the other day, I was reminded of this.

 

Having considered at length the ramifications of going so seriously off-topic, I have decided to throw caution to the winds and go with the yoghurt after all...

 

Now, as the title of this series suggests, I was never aware until now that I wanted to consume Star Wars yoghurts so strongly. As has already been discussed a long time ago, in a different blog far, far away, by the time these little tubs of goodness hit the shelves, I was already turning my back on such things dairy.

 

So, I wasn't all that bothered at the time. And with the benefit of hindsight and the passage of time, other reasons for my casual attitude make themselves clear.

 

Firstly, the outlets that are quoted as having stocked these delights were all virtually unknown in this forgotten corner of our green and pleasant land in 1983. (And now, the majority are long since vanished, and memories of them can only be jogged with extensive online research).

 

And secondly, from a purely synesthetic point of view, nearly all of the (8 exciting) flavours have been wrongly assigned to their characters. The fudge flavour quite obviously should have been associated with Jabba the Hutt, black cherry with Princess Leia in Bespin attire, and banana with Chewbacca, for example.

 

And would they have been subtly flavoured with small shreds of the flavoursome fruit, as opposed to obtrusively large chunks or something inappropriate in a corner?

 

You bet your rub down action transfers they would have...

Star Wars Toys I Never Knew I Wanted No.6

Not being American or having had no interest in being a Star Wars fanboy beyond the age of twelve, I had never actually heard of the ill-fated 1978 "Holiday Special" until a few years ago.

Of course, I knew I just had to see it, and I am happy to report that it is as jaw-droppingly incredible as I was led to believe.

And anything that can get Bea Arthur, Harvey Korman and Jefferson Starship into the Star Wars canon is certainly OK with me...

Anyway, whether the above prototypes were a hoax (as I am inclined to believe) or whether somebody at Kenner really did think that kids would genuinely want to find a spin-off line of Wookies under their tree on Life Day... I just don't know.

(But damn, that Wookie has great tits...)

Happy Birthday, Richard!

Star Wars Toys I Never Knew I Wanted No.5

Being a relative latecomer to the world of Star Wars toys and vehicles (it was circa 1980 before I showed sufficient dedication to warrant being bought serious kit), it's not surprising that all the entries in this series so far have been pre-ESB.

So it was a pleasant surprise to discover an unknown gem from a period when I really should have known better...

The B-Wing Fighter was one of my favourite ships from the movies, mainly because its design was just so bizarre (and it looked very unlike the letter B in any shape or form). It hardly looked like the most functional of craft either, and I remember spending a disproportionate amount of pre-pubescent time pondering on where the landing gear would be on the ships we fleetingly saw in ROTJ.

Assuming that its shape and general obscurity would preclude a toy version, I wasn't holding my breath for finding it under the Christmas tree in my lifetime. (Besides, I had my rather sexy Y-Wing to keep me more than happy).

Well, you live and learn...

Star Wars Toys I Never Knew I Wanted No.4

One of the disappointments in viewing the proper Star Wars films back in pre-VHS days was realising just how little screen time some of your favourite characters (ie action figures) actually received.

 

So it is rather fortunate that I never had a Patrol Dewback to play with, for with the exception of a memorable publicity shot, I can barely recall any of their fleeting appearances on screen.

4-LOM and Zuckuss had long-term character arcs in comparison...
 

 

Oh, and the head moves when you waggle the tail, apparantly.

Star Wars Toys I Never Knew I Wanted No.3

When I was originally gathering my thoughts on the potential contents of this new thread, I made a firm decision to concentrate solely on the Kenner and Palitoy ranges of action figures, vehicles and playsets.

 

I mean, the sheer amount of merchandise in this country alone was enough to make me want to narrow the scope somewhat. 

 

Well, look who's good intentions just went out the window...

 

 

Browsing online through a scan of a contemporary Kenner catalogue, I drew a sharp intake of breath when I saw this and instantly knew that I would have given anything to have had one of these, whether it was a working AM radio or not.

 

Presumably not available over here, if I'd known anything at all about this baby, I wouldn't have spent so much effort in pleading with my mother for a TARDIS Tuner.

 

 

But since I ultimately ended up with neither a Luke Skywalker AM Headset Radio (the name alone has an almost sexual kick to it) or a TARDIS Tuner, I could have saved my breath.

 

But hey, I hope I turned out kind of OK without either one...

Star Wars Toys I Never Knew I Wanted No.2

As mentioned previously, one of my favourite sources of information about what Star Wars toys were available to our colonial cousins were the advertisements placed in imported Marvel comics circa 1979/80.

And in the left hand side of the above advertisement, you will see the an illustration of the Kenner Death Star Space Station.

Now, I must admit that this particular playset never inspired me, and even to my seven year old mind it appeared rather dull. For one of the larger of the playsets, there's not a lot going on. A big laser cannon at the top (which admittedly would no doubt swivel and click, as most fixed Star Wars playset guns did), a lift, a middle area for a lightsabre fight and a platform to swing from, and a working trash compactor.

Not a fantastic amount to fire up a youthful imagination bearing in mind its size, and so I wasn't unduly bothered that I never saw one of the ugly-shaped things for sale anywhere at the time.

So fast forward thirty-three years to an older and hairier Monoid One, fording the raging waters of nostalgia that swirl around the Internet in the alcohol-sodden small hours of the morning.

And I was surprised and delighted to discover another one of those Palitoy variations we talked about last time...

Yes, there it is. The Palitoy Death Star, in all it's hemespherical cardboard glory, and utterly dissimilar to its American cousin in almost every respect. And I never, ever saw one or knew anybody who had one, and can't quite believe I never knew about it until now.

And what a beauty it is. Rather than a dull plastic tower, you got a series of colourful interlocking rooms with so much potential for play. Corridors, control rooms, hangars, platforms, and the ubiquitous laser cannon and trash compactor... need I go on?

Damn, even now I want to get my hands on one and have hours of fun playing with it.

And that, I suppose, is testament to so many things...

Star Wars Toys I Never Knew I Wanted No.1

Readers who have been waiting for my harvest drought to break will probably remember that this new feature started out as a more simple concept, namely "Star Wars Toys I Never Had".

 

Despite having the largest accumulation of Star Wars toys of any of my pre-pubescent peers, I was always painfully aware that there was just so much more way-cool stuff out there that I simply did not have.

 

Just how much, I am only now finding out through the miracle of the Internet.

 

Anyway, I realise now that I was extremely lucky to have as much as I had. Pocket money ensured a complete collection of action figures, but I was reliant on the parental purse for larger items. (And by this, I mean what my mother could afford from her housekeeping money, which knowing my father, was unlikely to be index-linked to 1970's inflation).

 

So on reflection, I decided that posts minutely detailing the childish envy I can still barely conceal when contemplating my friend Tim's AT-AT would not only be ungrateful, but also very boring.

 

Hopefully more interesting will be an occasional look at the toys that I was unaware of at the time, and that until now I never knew I wanted.

 

And what better place to start than with an item I mentioned some weeks ago, but with a rather annoying difference?

 

As toys go, the Star Wars Droid Factory was a major must-have for me, and despite the remit of this feature, one that I was all too well aware of at the time. Not only was it an exciting early example of a (cough) Expanded Universe concept (too broad and too deep for the cinema screen perhaps), its simple yet compelling concept of building your own droids was taken even higher by the fact that you could make an R2-D2 with the third leg.

 

That last fact alone was enough to make this some kind of plastic Holy Grail, as far as I was concerned. An R2-D2 with the travelling leg was eventually released as part of the regular line of action figures, but too late for me. The peer pressures of senior school had forced me to put such childish things behind me by then, some time before the last sputterings of the ROTJ lines were becoming heavily discounted in local shops as the Star Wars phenomenon was drawing to a close.

 

And oddly enough, I only ever saw the Droid Factory for sale once, and it can't even have been the one I thought it was.

 

For while the Kenner manufactured US version (pictured above) was familiar to me through routine adverts in imported Marvel comics, I never realised (or had totally forgotten) that a different Palitoy version existed until I was messing about online a few months ago...

 

Any kids this side of the pond that were lucky enough to actually own one probably didn't care about the missing crane (Stateside Jawas being notoriously feeble and in need of lifting equipment, apparantly), and the bases of ours did come in two different colour variations.

 

But hey.

 

THREE-LEGGED R2-D2s, GUYS!

 

Next time, more evidence that the Anglo-American political Special Relationship didn't apply to Star Wars toys...

25 Wonderful Things No.6

Doctor Who fans that are looking forward to their imminent pensions will remember with fondness the "Dalekmania" of the mid-1960's, when a merchandising craze for Daleks swept the UK.

Well, that was nothing compared the global merchandising phenomenon that surged in the wake of Proper Star Wars and its sequels.

Tuesday 6th December

I had considered just talking about Star Wars here (or "Episode IV: A New Hope" as we are meant to call it now), but to coin a cliche, it really is a subject that is just too broad and too deep for the small Security Kitchen screen.

Being a child of 1972, I have scant few childhood memories that fall into a pre-Star Wars bracket. Yet I can vividly recall standing in the stationary department of Sokell's and wondering what the golden coloured man and the blue and white dustbin were doing on a packet of pencils.

Maybe if my mother hadn't bought that packet of pencils, I wouldn't have got where I am today.

In other words, I was fascinated and hooked, and for six years became the most painfully intense Star Wars fan in town.

But it wasn't all pencils, oh no.

My recollection for childhood tat is pretty good, but even I have a hard time remembering the sheer bloody volume of stuff with a Star Wars logo on it that ended up in my toy cupboard and bookshelves. (And a quick trawl around the Internet will make my parents grateful that they hadn't lived in America back then. My mania would have bankrupted them).

But it was the toys and the figures that did it for me, and after a very slow start, I soon managed to increase my collection by bi-weekly visits to Hull. (Debenhams always yielded one figure, as the toy department was next to the in-store cafe that my mother liked).

The first figure I ever got was R2-D2, which was soon modified with the aid of a screwdriver to stop it making that damn annoying clicking noise when you turned its head.

And the second was that chap you see up there.

At which point I seemed to get stuck for quite a while with just two figures. But I do recall I bitter winter afternoon, playing on the back of the living room sofa while my mother was ironing.

In the days before double-glazing and central heating, exciting adventures on the surface of Hoth could easily be re-enacted on a domestic window sill....