"I Would Like a Hat Like That!" No.27

Probably my final entry for a while, as I am soon due to spend a week sat amongst rocks getting uncomfortably warm.

 

Anyway, as mentioned last time, my thoughts have lately been turning towards Aztecs and their magnificent hats.

 

 

So it should come as no surprise that Season One of "The Feathered Serpent" has been such a resounding hit here in the Security Kitchen.

 

Not only do you get to see Dirty Patrick Troughton with a skull on his head, you can also witness an early attempt at making a jaguar onesie.

 

And it's probably best not to mention the intense homoerotic stirrings caused by the young Richard Willis (better remembered as Varsh in "Full Circle").

 

Yes, best not to mention those at all...

"I Would Like a Hat Like That!" No.26

In tribute to the late Leonard Nimoy, I was intending to focus on some very satisfactory gender-bending Star Trek cosplay.

 

However, that will have to wait until another day, as I have suddenly remembered something that I've been meaning to mention for some time... 

 

Readers who recall with affection the Luke Skywalker AM Headset Radio that was featured on these pages some time ago, may be interested in the Official Star Trek Space Fun Helmet.

Lacking as it does an AM radio feature, this was perhaps a slightly inferior helmet to its Kenner counterpart. However, Trekkies the length and breadth of the galaxy could delight in its Flashing Light Emitter with accompanying Pulsing Sonic Sound, as well as a solar visor, antenna and stick-on name labels.

 

In a perfect world, it would have been part of a survival kit in a Galileo Seven playset.

 

Space fun on a stick!

"I Would Like a Hat Like That!" No.25

Here's something that would have been pretty much unthinkable in pre-Tennant days.

Pity that she probably has no interest in "The Ambassadors of Death" whatsoever...

"I Would Like a Hat Like That!" No.24

Here's one that raises a smile on so many levels...

While the very concept of Richard Franklin is enough to make me grin, it's Frazer's hat that really does it for me.

 

So, rather than "Together At Last!", maybe we should have "What Were They Thinking?" as a suitable caption?

"I Would Like a Hat Like That!" No.23 - Cosplay Special

A brief respite in the midst of the Disappointing Family Holiday, and contrary to possible expectation, I have eschewed a Scottish theme for this entry.

 

As a prelude to a potentially regular column that I haven't thought of a name for yet, my thoughts have been lately turning to a perusal of what is known today as "cosplay".

 

Cosplay appears on initial inspection to be largely an American phenomenon, but dressing up in outlandish costumes you just can't quite carry off has been common practice on British soil for as long as I care to remember.

 

Whilst many have derided it as an embarrassing and childish subculture among snobbish Doctor Who fandom, I have always found the prospect of idiots in fancy dress parading about at conventions to be part of the rich tapestry of being a fan of what was (in my day) merely a tatty old kid's programme.

 

Anyway, it's all viewed as normal and healthy behaviour now, and as the series has become more sophisticated and "modern", then so have our costumed buddies.

 

For example, just witness this amazing hat...

And let's face it. Any hobby that allows you to download endless pictures of large-breasted women dressed up as Red Sonja and Power Girl must surely be a positive thing...

"I Would Like a Hat Like That!" No.22

As the 50th Anniversary of Proper Who approaches, it is more through luck as opposed to judgement that I will be embarking on my viewing of Season 20.

 

In keeping with my earlier pronouncements, I am still experiencing mixed feelings at the prospect. Tying it into the anniversary celebrations (and as light relief on the annual Disappointing Family Holiday), it makes it feel almost poignant. 

 

And perhaps if I stop titting about on an evening (bringing work home, washing up, getting drunk and falling asleep on the settee) I may actually watch "The Five Doctors" on the anniversary date itself.

 

Something we never got to do on its initial transmission, of course.

 

Anyway, here's a peek at of one of the best bits of Season 20...

 

 

Yes, that's veteran actor Valentine Dyall, there.

 

With lots of video effects.

Shouting.

 

With a bird on his head.

"I Would Like a Hat Like That!" No.21 - Hairpiece Special

Right. While the usual harvest mayhem and a poorly laptop have both contributed to the recent stretch of inactivity on these pages, I have finally managed to commemorate the recent rediscovery of what is so far the only existing on-screen interview with William Hartnell.

 

And what's it all about, then?

 

Well, that would be Buskin the Fairy Cobbler, and Hartnell's dismissal of pantomime as a valid theatrical form, of course!

"I Would Like a Hat Like That!" No.20

Now, here's something that doesn't happen everyday. This one is by special request, which in this instance, I am more than happy to indulge...

If there were a dummy microphone attachment incorporated in the design, that would trump even the mighty Like Skywalker AM Headset Radio as possibly the best thing EVER...

"I Would Like a Hat Like That!" No.19

Back to work briefly after the Bank Holidays, before going away for a short spell. April is traditionally a month of being audited by accountants and various industry bodies, so the plan is to get a long weekend in before everything gets seriously soul-sapping.

 

Anyway, continuing my attempts to find the good in Season 20, I am reminded of the following...

 

 

(Yes, that's John "Plague of the Bloody Zombies" Carson you can see there, in a very silly hat indeed).

 

As a relic of Sumaran antiquity, the superb 'Six Faces of Delusion' hat required that upon donning it, the wearer submit his own visage to be part of the cavalcade of chicanery.

 

Variations on the headdress have been noted, however.

 

 

Archaeologists on Manussa have already termed this particular example the 'Six Faces of Self-Delusion'...

"I Would Like a Hat Like That!" No.18

Some time ago, I spoke of the Pertwee era as being rather barren and joyless where hats were concerned, but that I could refute that claim when the need arose.

 

Well, that time has finally come...

Once again, we have two for the price of one here, but the star of this entry must surely be Leslie Dwyer in a perspex Space Hat.

 

I have yet to read the late Barry Letts' autobiography (which was kindly bought for me at Christmas by a non-plussed Ms Monoid), but I have no doubt he will recount the anecdote of the hat not coming up to expectation, as it steamed up under the studio lights.

 

So, a failed experiment in sci-fi haberdashery, or a glimpse into the future?

 

We can but hope...

"I Would Like a Hat Like That!" No.17

I don't like contemplating Season 20 very often, as I find the overall experience rather wearysome and soul-sapping.

However, there are a few good hats to be found, if you know where to look.

And what do we say to a hat like that?

"Hello sailor!"

"I Would Like a Hat Like That!" No.16 - Revolution Special

To commemorate the DVD release of Serial H, here for your delight is a very fine hat indeed.

 

 

Not the best shot of it, I will admit. But even glorious black and white could not convey the full grandeur of that plume...

"I Would Like a Hat Like That!" No.15

Despite only being halfway through my current viewing of Season Eighteen, I am already thinking to what lies ahead (no pun intended in this context)...

I always look forward to upwardly reappraising Season Nineteen whenever it comes around, yet it consistantly manages to fall short of true greatness.

Why? Well, it doesn't help that my experience of it on original broadcast was fractured by the change of dates and timeslot. Only being able to see the first and third episodes of a four part story probably accounts for my appreciation of Part Twos and Fours in later life, but it was truly bloody annoying at the time. (And I also recall that the dynamic of a TARDIS full of teenagers was particularly irritating just when I was on the cusp of becoming an irritating teenager myself...)

Anyway more ruminations on Season Nineteen when we get there. 

But for now, let's just raise our glasses once again to the Portreeve's Tupperware Hat, which enlivened a dull opening story no end.

 

 

Now, if you can imagine Stratford Johns, Lesbian Mary Morris, John Savident, Michael Cochrane, Beryl Reid and, erm... Anthony Ainley all in Tupperware Hats, then I don't think I'd have a problem with any story in Season Nineteen at all...

"I Would Like a Hat Like That!" No.14

Here's something to make the festive period somewhat more bearable.

 

 

And whilst it has always been a joy to watch "Meglos" whatever the season, I am particularly grateful that in this instance it has helped to take the edge off finding myself attempting to play "Ace of Spades" on a ukulele whilst wearing an Eleventh Doctor t-shirt...

"I Would Like a Hat Like That!" No.13

Season Seventeen of yer Who has had a rough ride over the years, in and out of fanboy favour more times than I care to contemplate.

 

Originally viewed as cheap, silly and best forgotten, the season underwent something of a renaissance in the early 1990's (when everything to do with Doctor Who was constantly re-evaluated on an almost weekly basis by people like me), and for a while it was regarded as the pinnacle of knowing wit and sophistication.

 

The truth is more likely that it falls firmly between both notional stools. It is neither a progtamme in terminal decline, nor is it a programme operating at the peak of its powers. Much like the Dross Continuity Guide's musings over "The Creature from the Pit" being either a spoof of bad science fiction or simply bad science fiction, perhaps it's a bit of both.

Or in that case, neither.
 

But whatver the critical fashion, Season Seventeen holds a special place in my personal mythology, due to it being the first occasion I was allowed to regularly watch the series. (Continued nagging on my part eventually wore my parents down, and I obviously managed to convince them that the Fendahl induced nightmares of Autumn 1977 would not be repeated).

 

In fact, on my very first day at Junior School (or Year Three as we have to call it these days, apparantly), I drew a picture of the TARDIS landing on Skaro as an example of something good that had happened to me over the weekend.

And despite my well-known aversion to the trite and self-satisfied humour of script editor Douglas Adams, I find it hard condemn the season. Some comedy filler aside, Adams' presence is not felt all that strongly. Scripts were delivered by experienced writers, and apart from the extensive rewrites that transformed "A Gamble with Time" into "City of Death" (where Adams kept the vast majority of the plot), not much work was required.

 

Only the unfinished "Shada" is the fly in the proverbial ointment, and as David Fisher has pointed out in interview, narrative was never Adams' strong point. Reading the script book included with the original VHS release makes one realise that strike action inadvertantly ensured that the season ended on a high.

 

And what better high than a June Hudson hat?

Anyway, if Season Seventeen existed only to galvanise incoming Producer John Nathan-Turner to screw his courage to the sticking place when creating Season Eighteen, then surely it deserves your love simply for that alone?

"I Would Like a Hat Like That!" No.12

In memory of John Scott Martin [1926-2009]

"I Would Like a Hat Like That!" No.11 - Footwear Special!

The Pertwee Years are generally perceived as being a rather barren period for hats.

Whilst I can easily disprove this (my own) hypothesis at a later date, in the meantime let us turn to Season Eight, and view the discarded footwear of a certain Stanley Mason...

Now, I think these would make a mighty fine pair of comedy slippers.

And they would still manage to look less ridiculous than the majority of shoes that women buy for themselves these days...

"I Would Like a Hat Like That!" No.10

One of the many admirable things about "The Keys of Marinus", is that by its very nature it avoids the tedious Trek-trope of representing all the civilisations of an entire planet by one solitary city.

Another admirable thing are the hats worn by the judiciary. Hard but fair they are, and the judges are no pussies either.

So to certain people who continually fall asleep during any dramatised courtroom scene (Ms Monoid, for example), I can say only this...

It's your loss.

"I Would Like a Hat Like That!" No.9

With all the impending industry audits facing me in the next couple of weeks, you would suppose that my nominal lunch break would be spent preparing documents and generally getting all my paperwork up to date.

Instead, I am quietly experiencing mild annoyance at the continued lack of the recently recovered Doctor Who episodes in my life. It's been over four months since the news of the discovery was announced, after all.

And the fact that "The Underwater Menace" is such a veritable hat-fest is making the delay all the more galling.

As they never quite actually said on those grating "Points of View" voiceovers, "Come on BBC! Get a fucking move on!"... 

"I Would Like a Hat Like That!" No.8

The coronation of a new Taran monarch is indeed a most splendid ceremonial occasion.

While the Archimandrite gets to wear one of the finest hats seen on British television in the 1970's (see the first entry in this series), other dignitaries get a chance to show off as well.

And as far as the coronation clock's concerned, I could always find house-room for that, I'm sure...